Bringing home a new baby is a major transition for an older child. With preparation and attention, most children adjust well. The key is to involve your older child in the process, maintain their routines as much as possible after the baby arrives, and give them dedicated one-on-one time with each parent. Regression (returning to babyish behaviors) is completely normal and temporary.
Expanding your family is an exciting time but preparing your children for the addition of a baby can be tricky. Dr. Jessica Long gives her professional, as well as personal, advice on how to prepare your child for a sibling.
When I was pregnant with my second child, I was concerned about how an additional baby would transform the dynamic in our household. I was most worried about how it would change, for better or worse, life for my oldest. Would she resent her baby sister? Would it affect her relationship with me? Is it even possible to love multiple children equally (spoiler alert: it is!)?
I spent a lot of sleepless nights brainstorming how to make the transition from only child to big sister as smooth as possible. While there were certainly hiccups along the way (and, to be honest, there continue to be 3 years later), having a sibling has been the best thing to happen to my sweet firstborn. So much so that we gave her another!
When preparing your child for the arrival of a baby, get them involved as much as is developmentally possible. Have your oldest help pick out or make artwork for the nursery, choose some books for the bookshelf, and put clothes in the drawers with you. Talk about the baby and reminisce about when your oldest was a newborn by looking at pictures together. There are lots of good books, for kids of all ages, that talk about having a sibling in language they will understand. Communicating with your child and getting them involved in preparing for the baby’s arrival will make your big kid feel part of the excitement.
Make sure you prepare your oldest for what it will be like when you go to have the baby. Let them know you’ll be gone for a few days but that some fun special things will happen (Grandma is going to have a sleep over with you or Daddy is going to take you to the Zoo that day). If you decide to have your child visit you at the hospital, have the baby snuggled in the bassinet and not in your arms so you are 100% available for big kid hugs and cuddles before the sibling introduction occurs. Having a small present “from the baby” to the big sibling also works magic – nothing like a little bribery to get the relationship off to a good start.
Once you are home, expect some unusual behavior. Sometimes children regress and your toilet trained three-year old-may start having accidents, or your eighteen-month-old who sleeps through the night suddenly starts a sleep protest. Give it time – everything will get back to normal soon. Though your newborn needs most of your time and attention, try to block off some alone time for just you and your oldest each day. You’ll appreciate the one-on-one time as much as she will.
Try to keep the sixty days before and after the birth of a sibling as laid back for your older child as possible. That is not the time to transition from a crib to a toddler bed, start potty training, or throw out the pacifier. As things settle down, your child will get back to her old routine.
My only other advice is to think long and hard about when you tell your child you are expecting. Be prepared that they will ask you every single day thereafter if today is the day the baby is coming. So learn from my mistakes and consider keeping that a secret and save your sanity for a bit longer.
When should I tell my toddler or young child about the new baby?
For toddlers, a few months before the due date is ideal — their sense of time is limited and too-early news can feel abstract or create prolonged anxiety. For children 4 and older, earlier is generally fine and gives more time to prepare. Use simple, honest language: “A baby is growing in Mama’s belly. When it gets big enough, it will come live with us.”
How do I prepare my child for the changes a baby brings?
Read books about new babies together. Let your child feel the baby kick and come to a prenatal appointment if possible. Show them their own baby photos and tell them stories about when they were a baby. Set up the baby’s space together. Avoid making major changes (room switch, starting preschool, potty training) at the same time as the baby’s arrival — try to complete them 2–3 months before or wait until after.
What is normal behavior after a new sibling arrives?
Regression is extremely common — an older child may request a bottle or pacifier again, have toilet training setbacks, talk in a baby voice, or want to be carried. This is their way of saying they need extra reassurance that they are still loved. Respond to regression with warmth rather than frustration. Increased clinginess, tantrums, and negative feelings about the baby are also normal.
How do I help my child bond with the new baby?
Give your older child special jobs (handing you a diaper, singing to the baby, choosing the baby’s outfit). Talk about the baby as their baby too. Read to both children together. Let your older child see that the baby responds to them. Avoid scolding your older child in front of the baby or when you are caring for the baby.
How much alone time should I give my older child after the baby comes?
Even 10–15 minutes of dedicated, screen-free, child-led one-on-one time each day makes a significant difference. Let the older child choose the activity. Call it their “special time.” Consistency matters more than length — daily brief connection is more meaningful than occasional longer periods.
